I, without the aid of reason, try
to walk around about this world -
to walk in a straight line
And all around me shapes that mimic true forms -
the legions led by drowsy Sleep - invade
the darkness of my consciousness
And so a whirl of sound and light
scattered in the waves of my darkened stream
glitters like diamonds and rubies
that no one else can see
“No one else can see” I say
much to their dismay, as I straggle, as I crawl
and lag behind their hurried pace
But diamonds I cannot ignore -
the rubies in their sparkling rush
beguile me to hinder here
to cling fast to soft happiness
“Walk, in a straight line” I hear
through the mists of foggy daze
and having grown accustomed
to that series of sounds
I look to see where I should be
I look to see where I should be -
should be by now through all this time
(the ticking that won’t cease inside
my mind so troubled by disease)
I look to see where I should be -
should be by now in hurried haste
so far from diamonds in my stream
so far from rubies in my dream
I look to see where I should be -
should be in lands far from my own
in dreams not meant for me to share
and understandings kept from me
An understanding that never got born
In me
And I, without the aid of reason strive
to leave a mark before I leave
I, without the aid of reason struggle
struggle hard to break away
from the grip imprisoning me
I, without the aid of reason strive
and struggle underneath the gaze
of one more powerful than me
And for one moment – nothing more –
there is a sudden freedom felt
throughout my body and dark mind
and, free, I frolic in my way
A way that is not straight, like lines
a way that won’t obey the signs -
the signs that say I should return
return to cages whence I’d come
And for one moment – nothing more –
the chance is mine to leave a sign
of my own before the night
has enveloped soul and bones
And so I, without the aid of reason
resort to the only sign I’d learned -
through repetitious repetition I
had learned this single human sign
This single act I thought I’d mastered
and all my productivity
would be released in this small chance
to strive for immortality
To leave my mark on this small orb
circling a sun so large compared -
compared to these small miseries
that leave me bent down on my knees
To leave my mark on this small orb
I waved to one near where I stood
perhaps I grunted something too
to punctuate the sign I knew
So far from his arm, my Warden saw me -
me, so far, on distant shores
where foreign waves demark a sea -
a sea that was not meant for me
So soon I am recalled
soon I - stray bird - am caged again
and as he closes the wire door
he asks what I had done this for
“Trying to escape?” he asks
amazed that one would want that prize
amazed that diamonds and rubies might
have shone their light into my eyes